As a parent there are certain, inevitable questions you need to be prepared for:
“Where do babies come from?”
“Who invented pretzels?”
And the ever popular: “Do you believe in G-D?”
JJ (my 7 year old) recently asked me the last one. Her question was random and had nothing at ALL to do with finding a good snack, but that’s how it goes. Kids don’t always give you prep time for hard subjects. You have to be ON and ready because kids, in a matter of seconds, have the innate ability to send everything off track.
Turns out, I do believe in G-D. I believe there is something up there (way up) that no one has any control over. It’s something we can’t explain, but we know it’s there. G-D, to me, is uncontrollable, untouchable, and all powerful. Always around and always watching, G-D is the ultimate decision maker (x) one million trillion kabillion with no rules or anyone to answer to, and the power to dispense both good and evil.
Still, like anything else that is intangible, you have to WANT to believe, and I want to believe. I want to believe there is something up there watching over me, making sure I’m given only what I can handle. I want to believe there is a reason for everything. I want to believe in all of that, and I want my kids to believe too.
But sometimes it’s hard. There are so many horrible things that happen, sometimes it’s really just really HARD. My kids are young (7 and 9) so I’m still able to shelter them from most of the bad in the world, but sheltering them from all that’s bad isn’t always good. Because bad things happen.
Some things are SO bad though, I’m just not ready. Example: I haven’t discussed anything going on in Syria with my kids. I haven’t brought up the fact that there are some very, very, very bad people causing unspeakable pain and senseless death to hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children.
How do I explain that to my kids?
I can’t. Because no matter how I spin it, it will only lead to another inevitable question: “If there are so many bad people in the world, why does G-D take the good ones?”
And I don’t have an answer for that.
I don’t know why there are a shit-ton of horrible people running around, doing horrible things, all day long, all over the world, but Hey, lemme just grab Alan Thicke over here for a second. Sorry, Al! Time’s up!!
I get that death is inevitable. I do. I’m just having some trouble wrapping my head around why so many bad, bad people are allowed to stay while good, good people have to go—many before they’re even ready! …Or before we are.
When I was 27, I lost one of my most favorite boyfriends to a horrific death. We weren’t together (or even speaking) at the time, but I struggled hard. He was young and it was tragic. My dad proposed that maybe some people are taken from us early on so they can be preserved and remembered in a certain way. Buddy Holly, Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison: They were all great talents who left us in a lot of pain.
But maybe they were in a lot of pain too? Maybe things weren’t going to get better for them? Maybe they were taken before things got really, really bad— and now we remember them the way we were meant to remember them…?
OK, I can get on board with that, but I have another friend I lost (also in our 20’s) and he wasn’t on the path to destruction at all. He was on the path to AWESOMENESS. He was doing his thing, being awesome. Smart, gorgeous, fun, happy, hot girlfriend, great group of friends and family, and one day he got cancer, and then he got really sick, and kept getting sicker, until he died.
What the f** k is that about?
Why do we have to lose THOSE people???? Are they sacrificial lambs meant to send a different kind of message? OK, fine—what’s the message? Cancer doesn’t discriminate? Great, thanks!!!
The G-D subject is a difficult one because G-D means something different to everyone. But no matter what you believe, it’s because you choose to believe.
And I choose to believe the ones we have loved and lost are enjoying their new lives, resting in peace or partying like it’s 1999. And if it’s the latter, they’re in luck because now they have Prince, Carrie Fisher, George Michael, Debbie Reynolds, David Bowie, Glen Frey, Leonard Cohen and Zsa Zsa with them.
And if they can’t be here with us, I’m glad they’re there with them.
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Thanks for being a part of our 2016. We hope you guys all have a happy, healthy New Year.
XOXO, The DS&D Crew
Great post. There is an old movie you should see with the kids. Its with George Burns and John Denver called “Oh God!” Gives a really good view of how God “works” at least to my mind. If nothing else it’s a good conversation starter. About good vs evil? It’s talked about in the movie. More food for thought. About untimely death? Well I know a little about that and here’s my thought: God doesn’t pick and choose who lives and who dies. He is there to give us the courage, strength and wisdom to get through these events. For so long I tried to make sense of my sister ‘s death. And then the two babies…but the truth is there is no sense to be made. FOR ME (and I emphasize that because everyone ‘s experience is different) I learned to make peace with these deaths by figuring out what my lessons were. Certainly they were hard, sad lessons but I think I am better for it. Heavy topic to round out the year but a good one! Well done!
Would you believe I’ve never seen it? I’ve heard of it, of course, and I remember it from when I was little, but I’ve never seen it. Family movie night with you guys? The girls love talking to you and they always learn from you, same as I do. You’ve always been a guiding force for me (in good times and bad) so if you say it’s a good one, I’m putting it on the list! I know you’ve had some VERY hard deaths to contend with over the years. Many questions unanswered, but I agree one million percent that you’re better for it because you are truly one of the best, most special, people I know. We are all lucky to have you guys in our lives. LOVE YOU. HNY! and GO BUCKS!!!!
Love this post. Spot on. I also explained my experience w g-d. I’ve got a couple of stories that I tell where there was no reason beside g-d or my angels watching over me and I was protected from harm. No other explanation. I feel Him guiding me through my days. I believe He instilled in all of us right and wrong. I believe. More everyday. 🙏
No better comment than someone, especially someone like you, says “Spot on.” Thank you. I’m glad you understood where I was coming from. It’s a difficult topic and everyone feels differently so it could have gone many different ways with readers. It makes me happy that it resonated with you in all the right places. I said it once and I’ll say it again–so glad we connected. Happy New Year, KLM! XOXO
Love this! You are so good at putting things into words!
Kathy! Hi! So happy to see you here! Thank you so much. If I told you how long it was when I first wrote it, you’d crack up. It was such a hard one to write but what a crazy end to the year, right? It all came together as soon as JJ asked me if I believed in G-D because I have been struggling so much with it lately. Thank you SO MUCH for being here and for your words. Happy New Year!! XOXOXO
Very powerful post. I personally believe that the reason bad things are allowed to happen to good people is that God gave us all free will, the ability to make our own decisions (instead of forcing us to love Him, in which case it would mean nothing). Once He gave us that free will, it opened the way for evil to enter the world, but He is still there to get us through it and give us hope for what we can look forward to on the other side, where there is no pain or suffering, in contrast. I know everyone believes differently, though, so I love reading people’s thoughts and questions, and really respect your willingness to broach such a heavy topic. Blessings in the new year to you and your family!
This is a brilliant comment. Free will is exactly it. I agree with you so much.
I also agree that everyone believes differently, but it sure is refreshing, and comforting, to see a comment like this one. It’s people like you who balance out the truly bad people. The people who made that choice, of their own free will.
LOVE this comment so much. I’m so happy you showed up for this one. Thank you. Love it and I love that my girls will one day see it. XOXOXOX