I grew up in a colonial style home. It had stairs. It never failed that as soon as I was out-the-door, ready to go, I would remember that I forgot something—something that was, of course, upstairs. And then when I would get home, there always seemed to be piles of clothes and other stuff lining the first two to three stairs that needed to be brought up. The piles usually belonged to me. I hated those stairs. I promised myself that when I became an adult, I’d get a house with no stairs. And that is exactly what I did.
But with no stairs, there are other problems. The whole house is on one floor so all of the rooms get seen, all the time. If people are coming over, you don’t get to just throw everything upstairs and fake how tidy you are. You don’t get to do that because there is no upstairs.
It would be great if you didn’t care, but you do. You care how your house looks, and you caring isn’t just for when people come over, you care because you have to live there too. All of this means more work for you, because in order for your house to look good, everything has to be in its place. And why does everything have to be in its place?
Because you’re crazy.
At this point, you should know that I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about me. I’m crazy. I’m the one who needs everything to be in its place. You might not be like that. If you‘re not, you‘re a lucky non-carer. But if you are, and you just don’t have the time, I get it. Constantly picking up after everyone is a total time suck. Sometimes I just don’t have the time, but I never forget and I always get to it. I shudder to think of what will happen if I don’t. I had to leave some dishes in the sink the other day because I was in a huge hurry. I hated leaving the house with dishes in the sink. It kind of stressed me out. I now have a zit on my chin.
My husband is convinced that “Lovey,” my 2-year- old, is OCD but I just think she has a little crazy in her. If you put her to bed and something is in her room that shouldn’t be there, she will stand up in her crib and start pointing and yelling “BACK, BACK!” (I actually find this to be quite entertaining. Sometimes I even plant things in her room on purpose.) Interestingly enough, she doesn’t care about any of the other rooms in the house; she’s only concerned with her own.
I’m the one who cares about the other rooms. But I’m tired of it being just me. I want everyone to care like I do. That, however, will never happen so the only option I have is to get creative, which is exactly what I did the other day when I found myself in the middle of a Sports Illustrated predicament:
A Sports Illustrated magazine was sitting on one of the kitchen counters, bugging me. Would it bother me if it were one of my magazines? No, because my magazines are pretty. Sports Illustrated is not. Not even the swimsuit issue. ESPECIALLY not the swimsuit issue. This was a different issue, but it still needed to go.
Me to my little daughters: Who wants ice cream after dinner tonight?
Them: Me!!! (Jumping up and down)
Me: Who wants to go to the cider mill after school one day next week?
Them: Me!!! ( Still jumping)
Me: Who wants to put daddy’s magazine in the magazine rack in the bathroom?
Them: Me!!!
Sweet Pea (the 4 year old): Wait, I don’t want to.
Me: Sorry. Too late. You said “Me!!“ It’s binding.
Creative and effective, right? I know. Unfortunately, I can’t do that all the time so, for the most part, I stand alone in my clean crusade.
Please look at the two photos below. See if you can pick from the second photo what DOESN’T belong:
Not sure? Let me help you. See that Neutrogena bottle with its very boring, black ariel font logo on the counter? The one just sitting there amongst the much more aesthetically pleasing bathroom pieces? The one totally acting like it belongs? That’s the one.
Is it mine? Did I put it there? No and no. But somehow it has become my problem because no matter whether it was Cody or Sweet Pea or Lovey who put it there (Cody, for sure) it is ultimately up to me every day—every damn day—to move it back where it belongs.
I could tell my husband to stop leaving it out and keep it with his other stuff, but I won’t do that.
…I wouldn’t want him to think that I’m crazy.
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you are a freak and that’s much of the reason behind my undying love for you.
Full on zit on my chin right now. I have issues. You’re good (really good) about embracing them.
this gave me such a laugh. I canjust hear you and see fj saying me. I know that Mark won’t say me. Just like all the Coden men. Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CSC–You are correct. Mark wasn’t here for it, but if he was, I’m sure he wouldn’t have volunteered. I make him do stuff though. 🙂 You know I do!!
omg i relate to this more than any other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for validating that I’m not the only crazy!!!!!!! love it love it love it!!!!!!!!
Yay!!! I’m so happy that you liked it and that you can relate. I never noticed anything on your stairs though…you are GOOD.
Is this about me? My house has stairs and stairs that I am always running up and down and lugging this and that up. Luckily, my oldest (who has endless energy) is as OCD as I am. I always warn people, I am a Virgo raised by a German woman. I want everything put away all the time, even when it is being used.
Sandy,
“I want everything put away all the time, even when it is being used.” HILARIOUS. That is so funny, I don’t have anything else to say. I’m dying.
r
Agreed! Perfect post. Thanks for the laugh.
LL-nothing better than that! Thank you so much. I’m so happy that you enjoyed. Thank you for reading. Thank you so much!
r
Robyn, I read your blog from a link on RQ. Really funny. Glad I am not the only funny blogger. (Confidence is not one of my weak points.)
I thought it hilarious that sometimes you stage things in your daughter’s room…you know…see her response and get a giggle. And this of course led me to thinking that maybe, just maybe, your hubby knows better about that neutrogena bottle. And that maybe he does this daily to watch you become exasperated, bend over (the key to catching any man’s interest), and stick it under the sink.
Try this…next time it is there, grab it and start to put it away. Then spin around real quick. I am thinking you may catch the hubs watching covertly from around the corner with a perverse grin on his face. Just a thought.
Leah,
You are funny! He is not usually home when I make my way to the bathroom but you know what? I bet he knows that it makes me crazy and that’s why he does it. I can totally see him kicking back at the office, giggling to himself, picturing wifey at home duking it out with a Neurtro bottle. I’m so happy to have you as a reader. You make me smile. Thank you for taking the time to not only read, but also comment. I appreciate it so much. 🙂
r
We all have our own private hell… thanks for sharing yours. At least now I know I had my head on straight when I was overcome with the urge to vacuum the entire downstairs when my girlfriend came over to babysit the other night. *Could have* taken a shower and primped instead, but no, the floor got the makeover.
I don’t think the husband noticed, either way.
Awesome, funny post. You are welcome to get crazy on my house anytime. I’ll bribe your kids with trips to the zoo if they want to help….
Hazel!! Yes!! So many times that I end up cleaning when I should be getting dressed. YES YES YES. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ll see one thing that needs to be put away, and then another, and then I’ll pick up something and see that the counter needs to be wiped down…IT NEVER ENDS. Floor vs. shower. Floor usually wins. So true. You are awesome. I’m so happy you “get” it. (As always).
I hope you are having a great weekend,
r
Robyn,
I think I am just like you in so many ways, but I REALLY wish my husband was too! He could walk by the same out of place stuff 10 times a day and not only leave it there, it wouldn’t bother him in the least!!! I may divorce him and marry you! We’d have a super clean house. 😉
Thanks for the post.
Karyn
KB, I can’t believe I didn’t touch on that. SO TRUE. Not only do they leave items in random places, but they can also walk by a totally random item in the most stupid place and not do anything. A seal could be in our bedroom and I don’t think Cody would notice or care. I don’t get that. I am right with you. Cody’s not home now if you want to hurry up and get married.
r
i grew up in a ranch so i decided that when i become a “grown up”, i’d live in a colonial style home. sadly, it makes no difference. my upstairs is just as messy as my downstairs.
new to your blog. your friend amy told me to check it out. so glad i did!
I think you are right. It really makes no difference. Crap is everywhere no matter what kind of house. You just get more exercise in yours. Ranches are good for the lazies.
I’m so happy to have you here. I have been to yours many times. My friend Jason told me about it awhile ago and I always love reading it. Thanks for stopping by. It really means a lot to me.
Oh my gosh…parents home had three sets of stairs and there was always piles so I like you now live in a one floor house. And people see everything..I’ve resorted to having key rooms where I just shut the door. My mother has caught on though…..and since she watches my dog everyday for “doggie day care” she occassionally brings him home to get a snack or toy he needs – the only excuse for this is that she wants to see what I left out when I was making a mad dash out of the house with him at 6AM! She leaves funny notes too…..one day I will surprise her and all will be cleaned when she pokes her head in.
Shannon, I don’t know about you but as soon as I do get everything put away, I’ll walk into a room and something new will be out. WHERE DID IT COME FROM? Who did it??? It just never ends. The 6AM mad dash is a completely legitimate excuse for not having everything put away. Most people aren’t even up that early and you’re already out. You’re amazing.