You’re Not Alone

I’m not saying these are all about me. I’m just saying if you feel the same way, you’re not alone.

You’re not alone if…

1. You tell your kid that your “ears are hurting”  because you want her to stop talking for one second of her life. Just one second. Of her life. ONE second with no talking. Please. I beg of you.

2. When you get a mani/pedi you get a fun color on your toes and a conservative color on your fingers. I keep the party on the bottom while my fingernails are all business. The mani/pedi is really the “Mullet of the Millenium.”

3. You think it’s OK to let your dog sleep in the bed when your husband is watching TV in another room. You’re also not alone if you think it’s OK to  let your dog sleep in the bed when your husband is in the same room, and in the same bed.

4. You think it’s OK to tell your daughter that today is Mini Skirt Day because that is the only way you can get her to wear the skirt she always says “NO” to.

5. You take an hour or so every once in awhile to get your hair colored, get highlights, or do something just for you, that YOU want, that is not truly necessary. If my approval is not enough, you can justify the time spent as setting a good example for your kids. If they see that you keep your $h*t up, they are likely to do the same.

6. You are out to eat and your kid is unable to communicate what she wants, to take that as her “OK” to order two things that you really want and give her some. If she knew better, she would want those things too.

7. You take a full day off work on your favorite celebrity crush’s birthday because you feel it should be a holiday.

8. You borrow the awesome necklace you set aside for your daughter because she’s not old enough to appreciate it anyway.

9. You are just as excited as your kid when it’s time to pick a toy from the treasure box at the doctor’s office. There is good stuff in there. Who wouldn’t want in on some of that?

10. You let your pooch help clean up under the table after mealtime. It’s him or it’s you.

11. You were so happy that you weren’t the one home when your baby crapped herself and then happily distributed the goods to her crib and sheets.

12. You finish what you are doing while your child is wailing and the baby monitor colors are hitting rainbow status. You know your kid. You know the different cries. You know she’s fine and you know she’s safe. She’s just ready to get out. TOO BAD. Finish what you’re doing. You’ll get there soon enough. A little patience is a great lesson to teach early on. I still need to learn it.

13. You know the words to many of the songs your kids like. What’s In The Fridge by the Imagination Movers is a jam. It is, however, a little odd to still be listening to the CD when the kids are no longer in the car and then, around 5 minutes into the drive, realize that the CD is not only still playing, but you are singing.

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