A few months ago, before the days of Coronavirus and homeschooling, my daughter, F, took the time to break down the different “groups” in her grade level at her school. F is in 7th grade, almost 13 years old.
According to her, here’s how it goes:
The Popular Group
The Vice Popular Group
The Sub Popular Group
The Wanna-Bes
The Wanna-Be Wanna-Be’s
HER GROUP
The Weirdos
The Odd Squad.
If you don’t know my daughter, you might take offense to the names of some of these groups. But to know her means to know she has ZERO judgment in her assessment.
F has been exposed to a VERY diverse selection of people since the minute we adopted her. Between my friends, my husband’s friends and our friends together – forget about it – but on top of that, F has spent several months of each year living at an overnight camp in Northern Michigan. F loves people from all groups; she understands people and has ZERO judgment. She just calls it like she sees it.
What’s the name of your group?”I asked her.
“I dunno,” she shrugged. “We’re just whatever.”
“You’re like Live and Let Live?”
“I guess,” she said. “We just want to have fun and don’t really care.”
“You’re not interested in drama,” I said flatly.
“Right. No drama.”
“Or keeping up?” I asked.
“What’s ‘keeping up??’” she asked.
“Yeah…” I nodded slowly and knowingly. “I got you. You guys are the IDGAFS.” (Pronounced eye-dee-gafs.)
“What’s an EyeDeeGaf?” she asked.
I told her an EyeDeeGaf is basically a “Whatever”…like “Whatever…” (insert a shrug here) “You be you and I’ll be me.”
F agreed and I didn’t feel the need to discuss it any further. I was good with that group for her. In fact, I’m not surprised she ended up there. Eminem has been rapping about not giving a F*@% in the background of her life since her first days with us, so maybe it’s subconsciously tattooed on her brain.
Who knows?
I look at my girl and think she could probably get herself into any one of the groups she listed—from the Popular Group to the Odd Squad–because like with most things, if you really want in, you just have to do the work.
But there’s nothing better than being in a group where you feel comfortable, with no stress and no work required.
I just hope it stays that way.
You see, what’s so great about an Eyedeegaf is the drama is usually LOW and the fun/humor is high. But what can be not so great about an Eyedeegaf is they don’t always know when their actions might offend someone else. In other words, just because they don’t give a F*@%, doesn’t mean others will feel the same.
And I know all about that.
Because of my Eyedeegaf-ness, I sometimes fail to consider how my actions might affect others.
F used to be even worse than me though! I know that’s hard to believe because she is so damn cute and innocent looking, and she can be very sweet–but if you REALLY know her, you know her.
She would do and say things with no remorse, usually pertaining to her sister, but a lot of times ME too! And when those things were brought to her attention, they just didn’t seem to faze her much. She was basically like: “Yeah…. I don’t really give a F*@#. Bummer that I got busted.” And though she didn’t say it, you knew it.
And that scared me.
In fact, those kinds of Eyedeegafs in general scare me: The ones who don’t understand there are times when you DO need to give a F*@#.
Like the people who toss their cigarette butts wherever they want, or the ones who speed in a residential area, or the ones who don’t pick up their dog’s POOP! (UGH!!!! You all SUUUUUUCK!!!)
And let us not forget my current favorite: The EyeDeeGafs who, while in the midst of a freaking PAN-DEM-IC, still feel it’s OK to come up way closer than the social distancing limit of 6 feet, and then get all up in my face as I’m trying to reach for a box of freaking pita chips!
HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?! Can you NOT?!? OMG! SCOOTCH BACK!!! 6 FEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!
I love that my daughter, upon turning thirteen years old, has found herself in a comfortable place. I want her to have fun and smile and not get caught up in drama and stupid stuff, but I also want her to understand there will be times — no matter what group we identify with — when we all must care, we all must work together, and we all must give a F*%#.
Thank you for being here. We hope you are safe and healthy and we appreciate you hanging with us during this completely surreal time.
XOXO,
The Dim Sum & Doughnuts Crew
I work on this with D all the time. This describes him exactly. She will be fine. She has a fantastic foundation built by awesome parents!
You always know the right thing to say. I am so grateful for you and your wisdom and your fun family. We are so fortunate to have you in our lives all these years. If F turns out like D in that way, I’ll be WAY good with that, because we both know how I feel about him! (And who he roots for…)
Happiest of birthdays to F. My kiddo (if you remember) shares the same birthday, 13 this morning.
It’s a crazy time to be alive, but the IDGAFS know who they are, and that’s half the battle right there. It makes me happy that this self-knowledge is a guard against peer pressure. My son thinks swearing is stupid, not cool. He thinks that wearing anything other than a tee shirt and soft pants is punishment. He likes to nerd out and isn’t afraid to share (and share and share) about Minecraft or any of the other things he’s working on. I’m not sure ‘cool’ even exists for him.
We raised non-followers, who are going to make their way into the world in their own times on their own terms. That may come with some emotional skinned knees down the line, but the best thing about IDGAFS is that they just love who they love, and aren’t we lucky it’s us?
Many best blessings on this birthday of birthdays. Cheers!
Hazel!!!! How excited am I to see your name??? I sure do miss you and reading your comments. It’s like you pick up where I leave off, it’s the BEST! I think awareness is also half the battle. You’re so right. And I loved that mentioned Minecraft because F is a fan too! And I have to say you also nailed it about loving who they love. F is so particular that I do feel honored at times for how much she loves me.
Thank you so much for weighing in, Hazel. It’s really so good for me to see you pop up. I hope you guys stay healthy and safe.
XXOO R